Gentile dating a jewish girl

For a man who takes his religious obligations seriously, life is a pretty obligating affair. Instead of casting him as a reluctant participant in a ceremony designed to rob him of his freedom – the unspoken message of wild bachelor parties held the night before a wedding – Jewish law casts him as the proactive initiator.

He commits to her, he promises to support her, he obligates himself to take care of her needs.

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Giving her the ketuba under the star-filled sky marries prose to poetry: Love starts with my obligation to you.

My responsibility will be the soil from which our love together will flourish.

One can easily see why the image of the man as the strong caretaker and the woman as the one-being-taken-care-of risks creating a patriarchal relationship that puts women and children in the same category.

Yet, requiring a man to take responsibility doesn’t have to mean that the woman can’t take care of herself.

No one enjoys having his or her most vulnerable self trampled upon. In Judaism, being a man is about being disciplined, focused, responsible and committed.

Judaism has a completely different view of what a man is. Gever shares the same root as the word gevurah, strength. The Torah tells us, “It is good for man to carry a burden in his youth [i.e., to get married young]” (Lamentations ).

Generally, she is not the one schlepped screaming and kicking into commitment. But what does she do if wearing her heart on her sleeve is a great way to get it broken?

What does she do if her desire for exclusivity, commitment, and a deep relationship are considered inconvenient, quaint and naïve at best?

Leonard Sax, in his book Boys Adrift, describes an interesting scenario.

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